?oh, we met online??
Why do we still feel slightly uneasy about online dating?
I?ve come across a lot of articles on online dating recently, and it makes me sad that most of them written by Christians have had a slightly (or not so slightly) negative slant. The positives listed weren?t very positive, yet the negatives were emphatic, and most of the articles were written by people who hadn?t even tried it themselves. So, without dismissing their opinions, I wanted to share some lessons I learned as an online dating veteran.
Passive Dating
Gone are the days where suitable mates could be found at cotillion balls and sock hops. We live in the age of the internet, and it?s about time we start embracing it.
But dating online doesn?t mean you can sit back and relax, anyone who thinks that online dating is a passive way of interaction should try completing the entry survey required to join a highly monitored site like eHarmony. To register, you have to fill out a long questionnaire on your personality, your background, and your personal preferences.
Depending on where you live, you could receive several potential matches a day. Responding thoughtfully to the people who contact you can take up a lot of time, especially once you reach the open communication stage.
Clear Intentions
I joined eHarmony because I liked the idea of clear intentions. So many times I had been confused whether a man?s intentions were to be my friend, or to be my boyfriend. I figured that if a person puts put the money, time, and effort into registering and signing up for a site like eHarmony, their intentions are most likely to find a serious relationship.
This took a lot of the guesswork out of dating, but it also can make a person feel exposed. When intentions are unclear, it?s easy to cushion rejection with ?I just wanted to be friends anyways?. But when you are clearly seeking a mate, it?s easy to get your hopes up, and then rejection can sting a little more.
The Awkwardness Factor
As a 26 year old who had never had a boyfriend, I had plenty of great friends, both male and female, but relating to a man in the context of a romantic relationship was completely foreign. I definitely had my share of awkwardness with the opposite sex!
I approached my foray into online dating without high expectations. Mainly, I wanted to meet new people and to figure out what dating was all about. I didn?t have anyone I was serious about at the time, but I was certain he?d come along at some point, and I wanted to get all my dating nerves out of the way before he crossed my path. I knew that the more you practice something, the more natural it becomes. So I applied that to dating, and it worked for me.
My first meeting with an online candidate was pretty much a write-off, but I kept on meeting up with my online matches (carefully screened, of course) my nerves wore off, until the process actually started to become enjoyable. By the time I met the man who would become my future husband, he was much more nervous than I was!
Social Stigma
At first I was hesitant to try online dating because I had heard that people pursued mates online because they were socially inept, reclusive, or unattractive. As I began to be matched up, I saw that my matches were ordinary people from all walks of life. I also discovered that I wasn?t alone in needing a way to widen my social circle in my search for a mate.
No one that I met from the site was using online dating as a first resort. They were all deeply involved in their communities, but needed a new way to meet some potential spouses.
As technology and social media become more and more ingrained into our way of life, many people feel increasingly isolated, craving face to face contact and fellowship. Developing meaningful relationships requires intentionality and persistence.
In my experience, online dating required much of the same. I suggest that instead of allowing technology and social media to separate us, we can use them as tools to become more social, even if just as a jumping off point to expand our social circles and meet people we otherwise may not have met.
My advice for those looking to widen the pool of potential mates: Surf, ?and you shall find.?
Source: http://convergemagazine.com/defence-online-dating-6592/
branson mo monkees songs rail gun harrisburg top chef texas great pacific garbage patch ben affleck and jennifer garner
No comments:
Post a Comment